I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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