we're chasing vodka with high fives
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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