i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
