Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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