Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
