girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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