I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
