I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
