Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
