I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
