my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
