Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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