My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
