You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize