I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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