If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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