I seem to have left my pride at pride
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
