I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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