you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
