also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
