Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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