so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
