just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
