these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
