just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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