He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
