My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
