when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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