The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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