just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How external is "for external use only"?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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