does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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