Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
