We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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