I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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