I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
