I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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