I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
