Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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