you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
