If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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