walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
