Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
please come you make the beer taste better
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
