After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
