I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize