i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
