I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
