My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
