Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
