I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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