Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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