At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
