Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
