Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
