everyone is single if you try hard enough
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
