just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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