My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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