3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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