Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
