Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The Olympian is in my bed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
