Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
