The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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