can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
