heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
