His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
