Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
