your parents love me but you hate me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
