I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize