I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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