i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
