Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
