he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This baby is an asshole
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
