hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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