Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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