We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
