im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
