this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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